Thousand miles did I walk; and he walked with me till half way...I searched him in the other half; I searched him in meadows, in farms and barren lands, in holy churches and chilling verandas but found him nowhere. Finally when I gave up; I found myself hanging in the air....it was he who picked me up in his arms and walked faster than ever before. We crossed the river, we crossed the stream, we crossed the mountain, and the deep valley beneath; we crossed the farms with swinging daffodils, we crossed the clouds with the heart of sun and we crossed the wind mills.
I was sad, scarred and down in life; I was shocked, frustrated and I wished to say good bye. I had spent half the journey just to find him, while I reached nowhere. I wasted half my energy, half my time, half my passion to find him, yet he did not care. He fooled me, and let me go haywire by not showing up in my vision or letting me smell him in air, no aura, no light; no image in my sight, he fooled me half of my life, he fooled me half of my life.
Just to find him I lost my goal, my dream, my passion for which I thought I could die. It was he who was responsible for me to lose my vision, my eyes; it was he who was responsible for me to lose my nerves and my brains.
He swung me in the air, he flew faster and faster, and his speed erased all my thoughts, beliefs and sentiments. And then I filled the universe with my loud scream, he dropped me to the ground and broke my dream. I starred the air, as if I starred him, I hit the ground and slapped the stone; I abused and shouted loud at the mirror across. I cried and cried till my vocals broke, I wept and wept till my emotions choked. Then I remained silent for a while and the wind gushed in my ears, it was he who spoke for the first time, “I love you my dear”, he said. He picked me up in his arms again, kissed my cheeks and hold me tight; he took me to the paradise. A barren land with shining sun, a tree house church without a nun, a black hole in the universe, flowing river without the rhythm, no gravity no law, no rule to follow. It was dark, way to dark but there was light within my heart. It was paradise, indeed. It was paradise if u see, paradise of heart and soul, paradise of passionate goal.
We sat at a bank of waterless river, for he knew I had lots to ask. He said in the best voice he had, “journey of life is such, where you walk half the journey with passion and spirit and you always find me besides yourself. It’s when your spirits die, and your determination fluctuates you feel the need to see me beside. My dear I was never visible, but now u want to see me, if I really exist; now you feel the need to find me. Your journey always remains pre determined, well planned, it will always take the time it has to take to reach the goal, it is you who gave up, you who thought I left your hand, but my dear I was always there; there in your faith. Your faith in me helped you to spend half the time and journey remained and when you gave up on me, I picked you up and got you here not because I did not want you to lose your faith on me, but because the time had arrived for you to reach here. My child, the only way to see me, is to see within, coz when you talk to god, you talk to thee. My dear, journey of life is such, the day you stop finding me and questioning me you will kill yourself.”
I smiled at him, and hugged his aura coz I felt it now and whispered softly; “I love you, I love myself”.
I kept quiet for some time, and noticed the waterless river and looked at him,
“ahh! He’s gone to find me”, he said.